Thursday, September 30, 2010

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Naia: Up for adoption

It breaks my heart, but Naia is being put up for adoption.

We were told in February that we were never going to have children of our own. Danny and I decided to expand our family by adopting another puppy, Naia, a Giant Schnauzer. She needs lots of exercise and play time, a firm disciplinarian, and lots, and lots of love.

When I found out I was pregnant, and started getting back pain, I could no longer walk Naia on my own. She pulled too hard when she would want something, hurting my back further. Danny started running with her, but soon the TDY's started and he no longer was around to run with her, so I would play with her out back until she started running away. At that point, we decided to get a huge tie out rope, so she could enjoy the back yard without running away. We could play fetch until she got bored and tired. Unfortunately, it still isn't enough.

Not only does she lack exercise when Danny is gone (which now-a-days is a lot!) but we can't let her out in the house very much when she's inside because Atreus hates her. Really, really, cowers when Naia is around. she won't go outside if Naia is out, and hides behind us if Naia is in the house, out of her kennel.

We cannot afford to put in a fence so she can roam freely and run freely on our land, because we now have a baby on the way. We are putting her up for adoption for her own well being, so she can have a better life. One we thought we would be able to give her, and no longer can provide. I love Naia very much but she deserves so much better than we can give.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Wisconsin, Minesota, and Illinois

 What's a road trip without FuN dIp!?

Once Danny got home from his latest TDY, we hit the road. Our first stop was in La Crosse, Wisconsin, to visit our dear friends from Okinawa - the Kruegers. We had fun visiting them, we went to see some of their home town and places they grew up. I didn't have a sim card for my camera at this point, so no photos :( :( :( We have a few on our iPhones but those are NOT real photos! :*(

The next day we headed up to Minesota with the fam, and hit up the MALL OF AMERICA! It was fun, huge, and I got super tired. We picked up Lindsey's husband from the Airport and what a sweet reunion! As we were driving back to La Crosse, we almost ran out of gas and were driving through corn fields, cursing the GPS for telling us there was a gas station out there somewhere... when Danny found one on his iPhone Maps application! SAVED us! We were in the middle of nowhere!

Then we went to the Wisconsin Dells, and because my huge fancy camera is NOT waterproof, and Danny did not bring his camera, we have no photos of that day either. but it was fun, I couldn't ride all of the slides, but i did ride a few and boy was it fun!! I can't wait to go back when we have lots of little ninos running around.

THEN we headed back towards KY and spent the night in Chicago. When we got up in the morning we headed for the Sears Tower!! How amazing that was... the photos really speak for themselves..

And then we ate fun dip all the way home :)

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Military Wife Gripe

We've been through the deployments. More TDY's than we can even count, even just this year. But none have been worse than this one.

Going to prenatal appointments alone, going through trial after trial, struggle after struggle, without so much as a phone call has been really awful. Danny's unit has not been very helpful through this, and how could they be? Everyone is always here or there or everywhere but fort Knox. I've never relied on the help of others more than I ever have during this current TDY.

Happy to report however that everything with baby is just fine. After all the scares, and numorous trips to the hospital for one thing  or another, little Baby Sanoja was jumping around in his or her last ultrasound. You can read more about our pregnancy here:

I'd like to say thanks to everyone who has helped through this TDY. I don't know what I would have done without your support.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Sunday, June 27, 2010

How it feels.....

Today I read a pamphlet called, "Infertility - What it feels like" and it got my mind twisting and turning, feelings are so difficult to put into words. And so as I read, agreeing with parts and disagreeing with others, I decided to write my own feelings down.

"You may describe me this way: obsessed,
moody, helpless, depressed, envious, too
serious, obnoxious, aggressive, antagonistic,
and cynical."

On the contrary, I feel this way.

ANGRY - Angry at myself, for not being able to bear a child. Angry, every time I see another pregnancy announcement, a newborn child, an accidental pregnancy. Angry at God, for not viewing me as a fit candidate to birth one of his spirit children as my own.

ISOLATED - Everywhere I go, reminders of my infertility haunt. Baby strollers. Pregnant Bellies. Tiny Shoes. New Babies. Diaper Commercials. Families. It is hard to relate how hard it is to see these things with friends, coworkers, and family members who have been blessed with the gift of family. To feel like no one understands how it feels to face the impossible. Lonely.

PAIN - Physically is easy to describe, tests, poking, prodding's, blood work, even treatments are uncomfortable to go through. Hormonal treatments, hot flashes, mood swings, headaches...ohh the headaches.
Emotionally... the emotional pain sometimes turns to physical pain on particularly bad days. Most days it takes a trigger, a newly pregnant friend, a complaint about children, all on top of an already difficult day. In the past two years I have not had too many of these particularly hard days... but when one comes along, it is hard to forget. I have found myself fallen on the kitchen floor, grasping at my heart, feeling the ripping, tearing, unbearable break of my heart, sobbing. I have heard, once, a scream of pain that came from deep within my soul, when a child was lost whom we had planned to adopt.

SELFISH... and Guilty - For avoiding baby showers, for wondering "why her?" For constantly asking "why not me? When will it be my turn?" for saying "congratulations" and not really meaning it.

HOPELESS - After being told we could try for a hundred years, and never fall pregnant, my spirit was shattered. My world was left empty, and without hope. With no stars in my sky, or light at the end of my tunnel.

And after all of that, I still remain THANKFUL. To have had my eyes opened, to the vast and secret world of infertility. To have found support in unlikely places. To realize that there are so many, in all parts of the world who suffer from this silent terror. Our stories may be different, but our pains are the same. I am thankful to have God in my life, to help me carry this weight on my shoulders. For showing me greater patience, understanding, and will than I ever knew I had.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

A day in paradise

This past Thursday, Danny and I both had the day off of work. (That doesn't happen very often!)

We started the day with some much needed sleep in time. Naia didn't get up until 7:15! I woke up and put on my clothes for the day, a chore, it seems, since we are terrible at putting the clean laundry away. We gathered up the dogs and piled in the car. It was a long drive having two dogs fighting for my lap the entire way. We went to Freeman Lake. Neither of us had been there before so we went to explore.
To cut to the chase, we weren't impressed. We walked around the lake and found a secluded spot, and let the dogs off their leashes to run ramped through the grass. Naia runs fast for longer periods of time, but can't keep up when Atreus sprints. Atreus puts her ears back and runs close to the ground, it was amazing to see the differences in them. Atreus didn't want to have anything to do with us while we were outside, and Naia didn't want to play unless she was interacting with us. We were out there for quite a while, letting them romp around and expel some energy. Naia got really dirty, playing in the mud, and on the way back to the car it started to rain on us, so we decided we needed to find a groomer. We failed to find a good one with an open spot for Naia, so we went home and wiped her off so she could sleep the afternoon away after playing hard.

We showered and got redressed to go out on our own. We had lunch at Panera, which is always fantastic and delicious. Then we went shopping at the mall for some new clothes and sandals for summer time. After the mall, we drove out to the motorcycle shop to look at bikes for Danny and found the one he really wanted, but decided to check other dealers for price comparison. We drove up towards Louisville and stopped at a bike place, where they had some 'cycles for less than the first place (SCORE!), and then continued on to Louisville to the Temple.

We arrived at the temple to do Baptisms for the Dead. It was really an amazing and spiritual experience. I had never done them before, and even though Danny had, it was his first time doing the baptizing rather than being baptized. He was able to baptize me in behalf of those passed and it really brought back some memories of my own baptism. The spirit there was incredible.

Then Danny and I went to Olive Garden for dinner, and it was soooo delicious. There aren't many good restaurants around Radcliff and Elizabethtown so whenever we go to the Ville it's always nice to go to a good place. Olive Garden's chicken scampi is sooo YUMMY I could eat piles of it!

We headed home and watched some "How I met your Mother," and awesomely funny sitcom that we seriously think everyone should watch. Hilarious. A great way to end the perfect day.

Monday, May 10, 2010

A well deserved update

I don't usually like to blog unless I have photos available to share, but since I don't have any new photos I'm just going to word blog.

We moved. (Duh). Right now Danny and I live in a 3 bedroom, 2 bathroom home on .24 acres of land with two dogs and zero children. I work at American Eagle Outfitters, and Danny still works for the Air Force, SURPRISE! I bet you didn't see that one coming!

Danny works for a small detachment on Fort Knox, called the Det 1 10th ASOS. Don't ask me what that all means, I won't be able to tell you. He is a radio maintainer and is supposed to work with equipment in Hummers but they don't have the equipment for him to work on so he doesn't really do his assigned job. Danny works with TACP (Tactical Air Control Party Apprentice) and gets to go out in the "field" all the time to do training and crazy stuff with guns and explosives and all those fun things all the time. This entails long hours and many many TDY (Temporary Duty Yonder)'s. In addition to all that, Danny is now a COLLEGE STUDENT!! He is working on a degree in... something to do with computers. (forgive me, honey...)
Danny is in the process of applying to change career fields. He has applied to be a PJ (Pararescue man, I don't know where the J came from.) He wants to jump out of airplanes, make more money, and save lives. I know that if this is the right path for us, the Lord will push the application through to approval.

I work in a retail store called American Eagle. Although it's not nearly as rewarding as working in the school system, and less than half the pay, I enjoy the social interaction that I get from working there, and have made some great friends while working there. After July 2010, Danny will have been in service for 6 years and I will be allowed to use his GI bill, and will be able to afford to go back to school (WAAAAAHOOOO!!!) and finish my bachelors degree. I only have about 2 years left! YAY! Go Me!

On another note, we got a puppy, and she is named Naia! She is a giant Schnauzer, about 12 weeks old and already bigger than Atreus. She is a demon, devil dog... to say the least. She loves to play and is too much for us to handle sometimes. But we still love her and cannot wait until she calms down a little bit and learns how to potty outside and not inside. And I will love her more when she stops eating all my beautiful shoes. :)

On the fertility side of things, we are in the process of hurrying up to wait for ART (assisted reproductive technology). With Danny's crazy schedule and a Doctor that doesn't actually work in the Hospital, it's been quite a windy road to getting any appointments. We finally qualified for IUI (google it if you don't know what it is, I don't want to explain it here) and were supposed to start that in June, but are going to have to wait until July because Danny will be.. guess ... TDY in June! 

Either way we are blessed, and happy to have what we do have in our lives, and excited to have our dogs to keep us busy. We love each other enough to just lean on one another for now.

Faith in the Lord, and Faith in His timing.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

SNOW DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Today we got a few messages early this morning, (And by early I mean <6:00 grrrrr) saying that due to the weather, Danny's show time for work had been pushed back to 10:00am.... and then 12:00pm... and then "don't come in to work today" due to the awesome snow that fell last night and continued through the day today.

We took this opportunity to go exploring in the woods across the street from our house. It was pretty freakin' cool and Atreus had fun digging in the snow and jumping over logs. Danny and I had a snow ball fight, and I rolled down the hill in our back yard while Danny made a snow man. Then I shoveled a bit of the driveway while Danny continued to make his snowman (which ended up being over 6 feet high) and then I went upstairs while Danny decapitated his snowman and I made hot chocolate.

All in all it was an awesomely fun day.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Mobile phone photos of the house

So far all I have are mobile phone uploads of the house. We'll do better photos when everything is set up, we still have to finish putting together the office and bedroom.. other than that the house is pretty much done! (Above: what it looked like Friday, around Noon!) (Below: Basement/MAN CAVE *lol*, Kitchen 24 hours after above photo, living room)

Thursday, January 21, 2010

We Made It!!

We made it to Kentucky! We've been here for about 3 weeks and so far we love it. Our new house is awesome, and I can't wait for our household goods to arrive so we can set it up and make it into a home.

I will update again soon, to show off our amazing new house when our things get here!