Sunday, April 15, 2012

A little vent-aliciousness

I feel pretty alone. I know majority of military wives don't have any family around when their other half leaves, but at least they have friends, or at least a friend, that they can rely on, that they can lean on when their special someone goes. No matter how I've tried since we got here, I haven't found that certain someone, that friend whom I click with. And I'm really feeling it right now.

When we were in Maryland, I had Melissa - she lived across the street. We both had tons of free time and no kids. We bonded over cooking and cleaning and Grey's Anatomy on Thursday nights. Even though we only lived there a few short months, Melissa and I still talk via facebook, I've visited her in Mississippi since then, and I just love her to bits.
When we lived in Japan, I had a few of these friends. Aly, Stephanie, and Rhonda were my neighbor girls, just a flight of stairs away. I always had someone to turn to! Then there was Lindsey, my bff on Okinawa, we grew to be like sisters. I've since visited with Stephanie AND Lindsey since we moved back to the states, and have it in my itinerary to see Stephanie again this summer. WOO!
I just don't have any friends like that out here. In fact, the other night I was in tears sitting in a parking lot in my car because I'd had a really rough, overwhelming day, and I kept trying to think of someone who I could call to talk to and I really had no one. I ended up calling my little sister, who luckily picked up her phone, and spilled my blubbering half-words guts out to her. Poor me, boo hoo.

I can't believe how fast it's kicking in this time - the loneliness. Usually it takes a while. But it's only been 3 days and I'm already feeling like my heart is half empty. Luckily Emma has the other half that she fills up with sunshine and giggles every day.

If I didn't have so many obligations here - a job, a business, a house - I think I would get into my car and just drive away from here. Go somewhere where people know me and love me.. Denver, then Las Vegas, then Thousand Oaks. Who knows - maybe for the whole time. But I can't do that - I have some amazing kids to watch each weekday and sessions booked on weekends, plus my sister has booked a flight out to see me and another Okinawa friend is going to pop in to see me mid-july.

1 comment:

KeLSie ORdonEz said...

This post makes me so sad :( I can only imagine what it is like with your husband away, and being away from family and friends. What about the ladies from church? That is one thing I loved. Wherever I go, I seem to be able to make friends through church, and my neighbors. Although, I must admit that in my ward now, I don't have anyone I would call or turn to to tell of any problems, or anything....but that is just how I am!

I hope you are doing much better now, though. I do not know what I would do in your situation.... but I am pretty sure I would be the same.... feeling alone. Hang in there! You have tons of family and friends to support you, even though they can't be there in person! I even thought, after reading this, that I wish I could hang out with you and try to cheer you up!

Hate to get too churchy, lol, but rely on Heavenly Father. He will help you get through it and not feel so alone. Sometimes, I think we need to feel like this, just so we can learn to rely more on Him. What comfort it is, too, to know that He is ALWAYS there and loves and understands us!

Hope you have a wonderful Mother's day!!!! You deserve the best Mommy's Day ever! :) oh- and your little girl is getting so big and cute! Time flies way too fast! She is beautiful, though! such a cutie!